Returning. Not Resuming.
There is a difference between returning to your life and resuming the version of it you were trying to change. I'm learning that coming back doesn't require picking up everything I put down.
REFLECTIONS AND ESSAYSCREATIVE AND EMOTIONAL GROWTHINTEGRITY
Rowena
8/22/20262 min read
We talk a lot about returning. Returning home. Returning to work. Returning to routine. Returning to normal.
But lately I've been thinking about the word returning and how often we confuse it with resuming. They aren't the same thing.
To resume means to pick something back up where you left off. To return simply means to come back. That distinction feels important.
Because what if I don't want to pick everything back up? What if some of the things I put down were supposed to stay there?
Over the past few months, I've had opportunities to step outside my normal routines. Some were intentional. Some were forced on me because life has a funny way of rearranging the furniture without asking permission.
Either way, stepping away gave me perspective. And perspective can be inconvenient as hell.
Once you've noticed how exhausted you were, it's difficult to pretend you weren't.
Once you've experienced what it feels like to slow down, it's harder to convince yourself that constant movement is necessary.
Once you've realized how much of your time belongs to things you don't actually care about, you can't exactly unknow it.
That's the problem with perspective. It follows you home.
Maybe that's why returning can feel uncomfortable. We expect ourselves to slide neatly back into the spaces we occupied before, even when those spaces don't quite fit anymore.
So we resume.
The same schedules. The same obligations. The same habits. The same automatic yeses. The same ways of spending our time.
And before long, we're wondering why the peace we found while we were away disappeared so quickly.
Maybe it didn't disappear.
Maybe we crowded it out.
I'm beginning to think returning asks something different of us.
It asks us to come home carrying what we've learned. To notice what feels different. To resist the urge to immediately fill every empty space. To remember what mattered when the noise quieted down.
And maybe, most importantly, to recognize that we are allowed to return without resuming everything that was waiting for us.
Some things can stay unfinished. Some expectations can remain unmet. Some invitations can be declined. Some routines can change. Some versions of ourselves can be thanked for getting us this far and quietly left behind.
There is nothing wrong with returning. Home can be wonderful. Routine can be comforting. Familiarity can feel like slipping into your favorite pajamas after a very long day.
I just don't think returning has to mean going backward. Maybe the point of stepping away isn't simply to rest long enough that we can tolerate our lives again.
Maybe it's to notice which parts of those lives we actually want to come home to.
I'm returning.
I'm just not interested in resuming everything I left behind.
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